break up

So i have this sort of boyfriend rite. he's perfect and all..he's everything a girl would've wished for. but the problem is he's far far away and we can never really meet. Yeah, we had fun, we had great laughs and great fights and everything a typical relationship has. but it's taking a toll on me. it's been taking a toll on me for a while, to be honest. i've wanted to break up with him for 4 times now, but i never did because i'm always afraid to break his heart. (even tho i've broken his heart many times before)

rite now, at this very instant moment, we're supposed to meet (i mean online) and talk. but i'm an hour late (because i had college stuff to attend to) and even tho i drove home as fast as i could to talk to him he's not here when i got home. And on the way i already know that he won't be here, but somehow i'm still hoping. I dont know why i do that. every atom of me knows he wont be there. I'm an hour late. but my heart still have hopes that he'd be there, waiting for me. I guess not, and what's left of my poor, fragile heart is broken again.

I dont know why i always get my hopes up.
i dont know why i have expectations towards him.
i dont know anything anymore.
:'(

Ever since we're both busy we can rarely meet. We used to be able to meet everyday. And now he comes home at 3am and i have to start my day at 6am. i usually wake up just to talk to him. but i cant do that anymore. Idk, maybe he thinks im not sacrificing anything, and he's been the one sacrificing all his daily routine to talk to me. but its not true; i sacrificed alot to talk to him as well. And as much as i dont wanna be high maintenance, i really wish he'd sacrifice more for me. like coming home early to talk to me. or at least answer my calls or call me back.

but he never does.

and just now, i called him like 5 times. he rejected every single one of my calls and i think he turn his phone off or diverted my call by the 6th time. Little does he know i'm really hoping to talk to him. little does he know i'm crying as i'm writing this. little does he know that i'm emotionally tired. :"(

And because of this, my dear friends, i'm making up my mind to break up with him once and for all. i'd rather be single than having an empty, imaginary relationship. And if he doesnt want to break up then i say, sorry i cant do this anymore. it's been great, but if you're keeping me because you feel sorry for me then you can forget it. we can still be friends tho. Not more, i'm sorry. I'm tired of mending whats left of my heart.

22210, it's been awesome. But i think we're never meant to be more than friends. Goodbye you, take care :')