Sunday, April 25, 2010

Random dream

I had a dream abt Deepu last nite (or..this morning, at 3-ish). I dreamed he said sorry to me. No, he BEGGED me for mercy. He even went to my house and all! So to make a long story short, I forgave Deepu. After that, I remember CLEARLY he was wearing one of my father's favorite shirt, and we sat on the dining room, me and him. There's my grandparents and 'long lost' aunt --> bcs she never visit us again after what happened with my uncle) in the living room. And i leaned to him like i always lean on my dad. Then.....just like my dad, he scooped me under his arms and kissed my forehead, then I rest my head against his left shoulder (!!!) turns out, my aunt saw what we did, and booooooooooooooy does she look furious! So i quickly went back to sit :P Deepu chuckled and I blushed like craaazy. haha! Then I went out to my yard, i forgot what i was going to do, but turns out the boys from my batch had a RUGBY MATCH there!!! awesome rite? hahahaha! So after I watched the game, (unclear who won) we went back to the front door. I remember being surrounded by all the boys in my batch (XIII♥ !!) and someone even squeezed my hand, idk why i remember that part, but i do. haha.

OH! I even asked Adrea abt the soccer jersey!!! hahahaha. Me and the guys were supposed to go in from the front door to the house, which is strategically located between the dining room and the living room. I think my plan in that dream was to make my aunt think I'm not with Deepu (btw, even in my dream, we are NOT together) and also to make Deepu jealous (idk why i want to do that, its a dream afterall). But just before we entered the house, I FRICKIN WOKE UP. BECAUSE OF A FRICKIN STUPID TEXT MESSAGE. Grrrrrgh. now I wont know what happen next....................... :(


Now....the reason why i dreamed about Deepu begging for forgiveness:
It's because he broke his promise. Not postponing, not some empty promises like usual --> which, i'm okay with. But this one is an actual promise, and he broke it. B-R-O-K-E it. And what made me more upset was the sheer fact that I was totally excited. And had to be let down...................now i know i'll have to face those kind of things in life, but seriously, I was happy..i truly was. Now idk if i'd be able to let go of this any time soon. So for the time being i'm going to keep some distance to Deepu, and only answer as needed. Nothing more. I was really hurt! I waited until about 2.30AM..come on.... (well, even tho i slept thru it :p) then when i opened twitter there's this DM that he couldn't make it. I was hurt, upset, even mad. but was to sleepy to do anything about it. So i slept some more. I tried, anyways. I was so upset that i instantly went wide awake. Supposedly normal people would be muttering to themselves when upset. and keep them to themselves, in their hearts or somewhere. But because i'm somewhat sleepy, i wasn't able to mutter and curse and such, my heart didn't even ache. My head does. I was so upset but sleepy that instead of giving me a usual uneasy feeling in my guts, it gave me headache instead. So thanks, Deepu. thanks alot.

But on the other hand.................i was never to expect so much from anyone. So that was partly my fault. How can you expect something from someone who won't always be there, who will be gone, who probably wouldn't care about you anymore? Just like the last time. And.....to be honest, i think i've done this to Deepu too, unconsciously. I probably have, i mean..this guy is so sensitive that even my silence is making him upset. Dear God. What do you expect? Go marry a chatter box if you want someone THAT talkative. Geez..

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